$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
