Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
