ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Found your dick twin last night
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
