U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
