Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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