You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
