Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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