she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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