I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
