I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
