Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
