I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
