We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just threw up on my dentist
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
