what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
As shirtless as possible
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
