all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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