Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize