I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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