i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
