i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
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