Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
