i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
