So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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