Fine. I'll sleep in my office
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize