Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Randomize