I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize