Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
where are you?
Hypothermia
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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