Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
