he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
