I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
