she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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