What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
