I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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