He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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