just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
