Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
