and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
