I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
