Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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