just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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