Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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