Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
