Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
