I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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