Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
