I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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