i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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