I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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