This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
