he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
