where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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