her vagine was all disorganized.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
