the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
