True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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