Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
