so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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