my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
