Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
