I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
