Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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