Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize