I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
