Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
